Thursday, 24 August 2017

Hansel & Gretel with a twist!

Hansel & Gretel
With A Twist

Once upon a time there dwelled on the outskirts of a large forest a poor woodcutter lived with his son and daughter and wife.

The family lived in a dilapidated wooden cottage with two contested bedrooms.  The house had cracked roof tiles and malfunctioning doors. The house had crooked bricks could topple over with a touch of the finger.  The cottage looked like it was being strangled by ivy.  The abandoned house lived deep in the forest full of half cut trees.  The rays of the sun couldn’t shine through the dense canopy meaning it was very dark and gloomy.
The son and daughter had a naive father and evil stepmother that absolutely detested them.  She treated them as if they were the most lowest, most horrible creatures that ever walked the planet.  She was so cold-hearted they usually had no breakfast, lunch or dinner but were fed the scraps left by the pigs.  The stepmother had an entitled air to her and refused to do any housework, making the unfortunate children do it instead.  Both of the children wore ragged small clothes and looked filthy as they were only allowed to wash once a fortnight.  

One night the sibling’s stepmother had a discussion with the father and forced him to send the children into the forest because they could no longer afford to feed them.  That night the brother heard the plan and became fearful.

So the next day the father told his children that they should come with him to cut wood. It was very misty that day.  Nobody could see more than a metre in front of them, the perfect conditions for the evil stepmother’s plan.  So the father ordered them to wait while he went to cut some wood but actually he headed back home and left the children in the forest.  Stranded and alone the sister was very frightened.  While the brother was concentrating on trying to find the trail but then in a clearing he saw a very unusual sight.  

He saw a house that was made of candy.  First he thought it was a mirage but after he pinched and slapped himself several times he realized it was real.  He immediately verbalized it to his sister.  She was also surprised and scampered towards it with a grumbling tummy.  The superior gingerbread house had lollies, lollipops, toffees, dairy milk bars, pineapple lumps, oreos, m&ms and much much more.  The two children began drooling.  The two children unsurprisingly began chomping all the lollies.

Change Of Perspective:

I heard crunching noises and rustling wrappers outside.  I ambled towards the door.  When I opened the latches and opened the door I realized it was just a few hungry kids.

Inviting them in I asked them why they were in the forest.  The tired and empty-stomached little kids retold their long adventure while snacking on a bucket full of my chocolates.  After their storytelling I (a frail 68 year old lady) told them my story.  I never had friends or any guests here.  My parents died and I found this glorious abode in which I live.  “You know if you be my friend I will give you anything.  Anything in the world!” I said to them

A few years later….

Nowadays things have changed a lot.  Gretel is playing and watching TV on devices, and Hansel never stops eating not even to talk to me.  My plan was to get friends but now I still have no friends, wasted a lot of money and I feel guilty for ruining two kids lives because of that I am going to punish these two kids.  Today I told them we’ll have a feast with delicious food and they are going to help me prepare it.

I kept watch of them carefully waiting for the perfect moment.  Once they were both standing near the oven I took this opportunity to shove the two spoiled kids inside.  “Arrgghhh” both the kids screamed.  While I just laughed.  30 minutes later two perfectly roasted children came out and I had a tasty feast.

The moral of this gruesome story is never get greedy like the kids.

Thursday, 10 August 2017

Guess Who?

This specimen is found in the thick jungles of Lynfield. This ancient, coffee drinking mammal is frequently found consulting its scrolls of knowledge. It’s diet commonly consists of strong coffee and treats like cupcakes. This animal’s cave is full of primitive paintings. This individual measures no taller than 1.7m. This creature slowly trots in it’s dimly lit cave armed only with a ceramic cup ready to face the hordes of wild beasts.

UN Aid Package

This is the United Nations Aid Package

Wednesday, 2 August 2017

Seeing through fresh eyes

I watched this advert and had to write about it in the ape's perspective.
 Roving through a huge cave, thousands of suns beamed brightly at me.  Apes covered in a very strange colourful hair glared at me with a puzzled expression.  Everyone pointed at me.  I felt unnerved because nothing else swang on the vines.  The strange noise made me feel like shaking and moving around.  I saw a moving floor and got frightened.  I shivered as I stepped on the moving floor.  The amazing contraption transported me.  It felt strange moving without putting in any effort.  Soon I entered a dark cave with creatures floating on a wall.  I saw my home. I saw another creature swinging on trees just like me.  I wondered about the strange floating place.  Then unanticipatedly the magical land disappeared. A strange a scent dragged me toward a box filled with small puffy white things.  I tasted one anxiously and it was delicious.  I shoved all the contents of the box into my mouth in one gulp. I went outside with the rest of the crowd.

How To Say Hello In Different Languages!